Friday, August 26, 2011

Lamictal 100 mgs: Appetite and Stress

Since I went up to 100 mgs of lamictal my morning appetite has been even worse than it was.  It's just such a chore to choke anything down.  So why bother trying?  Well, not eating will make my mood worse, and that makes the lamictal rather pointless.

Yesterday was harder than most days.  My partner and I had our first session with the marriage counselor to try and deal with our difficulties.  The appointment was at 11, so given the way my appetite has been, I didn't bother to try and eat anything more than a handful of trail mix.  As for the session itself, it was as hard as I expected it to be.  The therapist asked us both to tell the story of how we met, why we were attracted to each other, why we decided to get married.  I can answer each of these questions.  My husband cannot.

WTF?  My partner in life basically has no idea why he wants to be with me, or even why he ever did?

Needless to say, that killed my appetite for the rest of the day.  My partner spent the rest of the day working.  I tried to distract myself by making some art.

I finally managed to eat last night after a short conversation with my partner.  I told him that I felt hurt and betrayed, and I was finding it really difficult not to withdraw emotionally; but that I knew that doing so would pretty much end us.  I told him I didn't want any false assurances about his feelings, but if I was going to avoid withdrawing, he needed to give me a reason to do so.

He told me that he might not know right now why we're together, but that he's willing to work on keeping us that way regardless, and that he does know that he loves me.

Not much, but it feels better than being lied to.  At least I could finish my damned soup.

With everything that's going on, I feel like I really can't afford to skip meals.  It just layers on a mood problem on top of what I'm actually feeling on top of what I need to do to stay married.  So this morning, instead of going for my usual yogurt, I tried to think about what actually sounded good to me.  Oddly, that was an omelet with this raw tomato/tuna/chickpea sauce that I'd had sitting in the fridge.  It was a huge breakfast for me, but I was actually able to finish it in half an hour -- I think that's the shortest time it's taken me to eat breakfast in weeks.  Maybe I'd been craving salt?

No comments:

Post a Comment

What are your thoughts? Talk amongst yourselves!