Grieving the Relapse of Chronic Illness

I've been struggling a lot lately with the issue of how to live with a chronic illness.  As i've said before, I'm having a hard time caring for myself -- I was doing a damn good job of taking care of myself when I had my psychotic episode.  I was eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep, taking my meds, avoiding caffeine and sugar and alcohol, and I had the worst mental health crash of my life.

A few days ago, I found a post about grieving the relapse of a chronic illness by Dr Aletta of Explore What's Next.  Like it or not (and I don't like it, believe me) mental illness is a chronic condition.  We will do well for awhile.  Maybe we'll decide that we can handle a bit more stress in our lives.  We'll stop saying "no" to things we really should.  And then we'll relapse.  It sucks.

Dr. Aletta's post did three things for me.  First, it made me realize that there was something I wasn't doing to take care of myself -- I wasn't managing my stress levels.  Of course, I'd been under worse stress in my life, so I thought I could handle it.  Still, I was under a lot of stress.  Between that and my lack of sunlight, it seems I doomed myself.

Second, she writes candidly about hating to take the meds required for her condition.  She did what she advises her patients never, ever to do -- she altered her dosage so she took less of the medication.  I've never done this myself, but the temptation is always there.  I felt a lot better just knowing that a psychologist can make the same mistakes a lot of us do as we try to live with the side effects of our meds.

Finally, reading this post made me realize that my recent frustration and depression is normal for someone having a relapse.  When we have a relapse it's natural to grieve.  It's normal to be in denial, to get angry, to get depressed -- though that last one is bitterly ironic for someone with a mood disorder.  I've spent a lot of time lately feeling very angry and resentful.  It's not fair that I have to live with this chronic condition, that I have to put so much energy into caring for myself, when others can just go about their lives.

This is just a synopsis of Dr. Aletta's article.  I highly recommend reading the original.

How to Lose Weight and Keep It Off: You Can Do It

Wilma Goodfellow over at The Prozac Monologues has been writing a series of posts about the prevalence of metabolic syndrome in general, and particularly in the mentally ill.  She herself recently decided to lose weight.  Last week's post was about how to "reprogram" yourself to do it.  I highly recommend it (and the rest of the series) to anyone who's trying to get healthy.  You will learn not just about how to lose weight, but the mechanisms that cause overeating and overweight in the first place.

In her first post in the series, she quotes from the CIA World Fact Book that the United States ranks 50th in the world in terms of life expectancy.  Now that's something to be proud of, right?  Right?

Among the severely mentally ill, the figures are far, far worse: we have an average life expectancy of someone in Sudan.  To refresh your memory about Sudan, the last decade has brought them civil war, genocide, and famine.

These numbers are due to several factors.  Many of the drugs we take cause us to gain weight, or cause us to crave food (lookin' at you, Lexapro!).  Many of us also face inadequate medical care; we don't have access to nutritionists, dietitians, or physical trainers that can help us lose weight.  Goodfellow's series shows us that weight loss is still possible.

As they say, weight loss isn't easy.  To sustain it, you need to change your lifestyle, and change it permanently.  Sound hard?  It is.  Three years ago I lost 60 lbs, because I was 33 years old and already developing back and knee problems.  It was a struggle, but it was worth it -- both in terms of my current quality of life, and the extra 15 years I may have because of it.

Why Anti-Authoritarians Are Diagnosed As Mentally Ill

A friend of mine posted an article on Facebook about the medicalization of anti-authoritarian sentiment.  It's an important piece and well worth a read.

The author, Bruce Levine, PhD (psychology), asserts that to succeed in the medical profession or in academia one must subit to plenty of arbitrary authority.  By the time these professionals are in a position to practice in their fields, they're used to obeying, and people who don't make them nervous.  There must be something "wrong" with them, right?

And what about the anti-authoritarians?  Is it always invalid to diagnose us with mental, learning, and behavior problems?  Sadly, it's not.

When we try to make a good life for ourselves, we struggle to fit in, but our deficits are apparent -- look, it's ADD!  It's a learning disability!  But why do I have to be good at math, or for that matter any other academic subject?  Why do I have to pretend to be interested in math?  Who decides which subjects are "important" enough to be taught in school?  I come to this example again and again -- if I have LD in math, why don't other people have LD in art or music?  As for the attentional issues, isn't there something kind of coercive about deciding that any person must focus their attention in a direction not of their choosing?

This isn't fair.  It pathologizes a legitimate difference in my brain. Yet, I have to try to fit in if I want anything like a life for myself.  My choice is between medicating myself and having no life.

Levine's concern is that too many social critics are diagnosed and medicated before they come to political consciousness.  I count myself lucky that I'm not one of these people.  For that matter, there's a great discussion of social class and access to ADHD treatment going on at ADD Forums.  Check it out.  And be sure to check out Levine's article too.