Several months ago, I wrote about why I didn't realize my depression was worsening: because I was nowhere near The Pit. Like a lot of depressives, when I get depressed I feel like I'm falling, as if I'm circling a dark pit, as if I'm falling into it. Or at least I used to. Before my psychotic episode I had no such feeling, and it didn't occur to me that I was headed for trouble.
I've been at a loss to describe what did happen to me last year. But last night I had just a brief glimpse of it. This horrible feeling welled up for a few minutes, kind of like what happened last year but nowhere near as serious ... it felt like ... like ...
It felt like I was being engulfed by a wave of devouring darkness. It's not falling into The Pit. Trust me, they're totally different. Believe me, the devouring darkness is worse. But this being me and all, I felt better immediately when I could assign a dramatic metaphor to what I was feeling.
And yes. If it happens again, or lasts more than five minutes, I'll be calling my shrink.
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