I've been struggling a lot lately with the issue of how to live with a chronic illness. As i've said before, I'm having a hard time caring for myself -- I was doing a damn good job of taking care of myself when I had my psychotic episode. I was eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep, taking my meds, avoiding caffeine and sugar and alcohol, and I had the worst mental health crash of my life.
A few days ago, I found a post about grieving the relapse of a chronic illness by Dr Aletta of Explore What's Next. Like it or not (and I don't like it, believe me) mental illness is a chronic condition. We will do well for awhile. Maybe we'll decide that we can handle a bit more stress in our lives. We'll stop saying "no" to things we really should. And then we'll relapse. It sucks.
Dr. Aletta's post did three things for me. First, it made me realize that there was something I wasn't doing to take care of myself -- I wasn't managing my stress levels. Of course, I'd been under worse stress in my life, so I thought I could handle it. Still, I was under a lot of stress. Between that and my lack of sunlight, it seems I doomed myself.
Second, she writes candidly about hating to take the meds required for her condition. She did what she advises her patients never, ever to do -- she altered her dosage so she took less of the medication. I've never done this myself, but the temptation is always there. I felt a lot better just knowing that a psychologist can make the same mistakes a lot of us do as we try to live with the side effects of our meds.
Finally, reading this post made me realize that my recent frustration and depression is normal for someone having a relapse. When we have a relapse it's natural to grieve. It's normal to be in denial, to get angry, to get depressed -- though that last one is bitterly ironic for someone with a mood disorder. I've spent a lot of time lately feeling very angry and resentful. It's not fair that I have to live with this chronic condition, that I have to put so much energy into caring for myself, when others can just go about their lives.
This is just a synopsis of Dr. Aletta's article. I highly recommend reading the original.
A few days ago, I found a post about grieving the relapse of a chronic illness by Dr Aletta of Explore What's Next. Like it or not (and I don't like it, believe me) mental illness is a chronic condition. We will do well for awhile. Maybe we'll decide that we can handle a bit more stress in our lives. We'll stop saying "no" to things we really should. And then we'll relapse. It sucks.
Dr. Aletta's post did three things for me. First, it made me realize that there was something I wasn't doing to take care of myself -- I wasn't managing my stress levels. Of course, I'd been under worse stress in my life, so I thought I could handle it. Still, I was under a lot of stress. Between that and my lack of sunlight, it seems I doomed myself.
Second, she writes candidly about hating to take the meds required for her condition. She did what she advises her patients never, ever to do -- she altered her dosage so she took less of the medication. I've never done this myself, but the temptation is always there. I felt a lot better just knowing that a psychologist can make the same mistakes a lot of us do as we try to live with the side effects of our meds.
Finally, reading this post made me realize that my recent frustration and depression is normal for someone having a relapse. When we have a relapse it's natural to grieve. It's normal to be in denial, to get angry, to get depressed -- though that last one is bitterly ironic for someone with a mood disorder. I've spent a lot of time lately feeling very angry and resentful. It's not fair that I have to live with this chronic condition, that I have to put so much energy into caring for myself, when others can just go about their lives.
This is just a synopsis of Dr. Aletta's article. I highly recommend reading the original.
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