Depression, ADHD, and Radical Acceptance: When You Can't Make The Changes You Need (Right Now)

There's an excellent post over at 18 Channels about "radical acceptance".  Radical acceptance is probably called many things by many people, but the general idea is that when you're facing a situation you really can't change, you need to just accept it and live with it until you can change it.  I guess it's a mindfulness practice, really.

It's a valuable thing for me to keep in mind right now.  I've lost a lot over the past year.  I lost my job.  I had a bad injury to my neck and shoulder.  I lost my mind to psychotic depression.  I lost several months of my life to the wrong med.  And I lost the relationship I thought I had, the one that I thought was working, the one thing that I used to look at and say, at least I've gotten one thing right in my life.



My marriage is on the mend, but a lot of things are still very much up in the air.  Do we set up separate finances?  If so, how separate will they be?  Do we set up separate households?  If so, what does this mean for us?  On top of those questions, I'm grappling with shock, betrayal, anger, sadness, and hope in equal measure.  I don't know which end is up.

It was heartbreaking to learn how unhappy my parter was with our marriage.  But in a way, it was a relief.  The final shoe has dropped.  I've lost my professional life.  I've lost my health and functionality.  I've lost my relationship.  We're both committed to rebuilding it, but neither of us know what that will look like.  It's time for radical acceptance.

I need to accept that I'm severely mentally ill.  I need to accept that I have multiple learning disabilities.  I need to accept that all of these things have and will continue to have a dramatic impact on my professional life.  I'm not in control of the fact that I'm unable to work right now.  I need to figure out what I can control about my job search and employment situation.  Until I can do that I have no idea what my future holds.  It scares the hell out of me.  And I have no choice but to accept that, and sit with it.